Occupying My Mind...

I realize that I haven't posted with any kind of consistency here, and for that I sincerely apologize. I'm really very good at procrastinating, but I promise to do better from here on out!

As I'm sure you've all noticed, certain events converging on the US political scene in recent months have injected a proverbial shot of adrenaline into the sleepy brains of average Americans. The resulting explosion of energy has been, from my perspective, a chance for the American people to exercise some concept-muscles that seem to have atrophied over the years. Some of you may be thinking that this mommy blog isn't the place to discuss my perspective on the political climate, but as the mother of a child who will be around to reap the benefits or consequences of either the perseverance or eventual complacency of movements meant to call attention to our shrinking freedoms, I'm of the opinion that it's absolutely relevant.

So I'm going to share my perspective on the world I brought my daughter into on this blog, one issue at a time. No, I won't be turning this thing into a political platform. But I'll occasionally be dropping one of those opinion thingies on you all here and there, now and again. Partially just for kicks and giggles, sure, but also because I know people who get all of their information from teenagers. As that fact terrifies me, I am hoping that those people will read this and agree with me. Because I'm exactly as self-important as the next person who is sure that their beliefs are the right ones.

Hermain Cain.

Let me start by giving those of you who might support this gentleman a fair warning: I firmly believe that Hermain Cain is the most ridiculous human being on the planet. Actually, that's not true; to say that I believe that it's true implies the possibility that it might not be.

So let me clarify.

I am completely aware of the fact that Hermain Cain is a delusional fool. I sincerely hope that you are, too.

I'm not saying that he isn't a good businessman, at least in the pizza-making field. I'm not saying that he isn't without his good qualities, and I'm not saying he's a bad person.

What I am saying is that Herman Cain's campaign reminds me of my little brother's "imaginary friend" phase. He was only three and didn't have a lot of buddies, so when he would hear us talking about our plans, he would just pipe in and pretend that he and his fictional pal Bunnyhead did cool stuff, too. We all knew Bunnyhead didn't exist, but we would just go along with it because it was cute and it made him happy. I am praying with all of my might that Herman Cain is just the proverbial 3-year-old here, and his campaign is his pal Bunnyhead. If indeed this is the case, I would like to request that any and all republicans reading this blog would please stop leading the poor man on; he's a big boy now, he can handle the truth and frankly this is starting to transition from an innocent game into a dangerous delusion.

Some People Are Morons.

Allow me to direct your attention to the words of this shining star of brilliance:

"I totally agree with christen1063, "anonymous mom" who lets her baby cry for 10 minutes totally needs to rethink her priorities immediately and quite possibly talk with someone about her emotional disconnect shes beginning to create with her baby. A baby is not just a feeding and diaper change, that's a new person that needs love, affection AND attention - in other words nurturing. As the mother of 4, ages 16, 12, 7, and 2 months I can tell you that each child is different and has different needs and that there is an one size fit all solution for handling your children. The most important thing to remember is that your baby in NEW to this world and every moment is a new experience and that if you choose to make these experiences as positive, soothing, comforting and or pleasurable as possible regardless of the inconvience to you it will make the next stages of their life easier to manage"



First of all, wow. Is anybody else shocked that this woman has survived four children?

Now to debate her ridiculous point. My daughter is two-and-a-half months old, and I put her down and let her fuss it out when she is overtired, from time to time. I did not do that for the first two months. Here is an overview of my trying-to-prevent-emotional-disconnect experience:

Hour one of overtired screaming - Frustrated nursing. This consists mainly of about 20 minutes of actual eating, followed by 40 hellish minutes of latching on and off, punctuated by frequent burping, rocking, swaying, etc.

Hour two of overtired screaming - The maybe-she's-not-getting-enough phase. This part involves a bottle of formula (so freaking sue me) which she seems to enjoy sipping and then spitting out all over me.

Hours three and four of overtired screaming - I'll-try-anything-at-this-point-show-me-who-to-kill. This part is fun, and is made up of attempting to play with her soft piggy stuffed animal, swaddling and reswaddling, reswaddling with a different blanket, changing the diaper again, pacing the floor of the house, laying down and letting her stand on my belly, letting her suck/chew/drool on my finger/arm/face, three kinds of pacifiers, a bottle of decaf chamomile tea, some time in the swing, white noise, and last but not least, fervent prayer.

Hour five of overtired screaming - Bonding over tears. This is the part where we BOTH cry.

Hour six of overtired screaming - The second wind. We're now ready to eat again, so there's about 20 minutes of peace. Until she pees, and then it starts again.

Hour seven of overtired screaming - Boobcifier. This is the part where she wants to use my boob as a pacifier. She will ALMOST go to sleep if I let her keep my nipple in her mouth and don't move a muscle. But if I shift, it's on.

Hour eight of overtired screaming - Surrender. It is now around 6 am, and I have given up. I pass her off to my husband and fall asleep on impact with the mattress, and Zoey falls asleep fifteen minutes after impact with daddy's arms. Apparently, we wound each other up. Imagine that.


Nowadays, things are different. I am more rested, she is much happier and in a routine, and we both smile happily through our hours and hours of bonding time that I am NOT, for the record, too "emotionally disconnected" to enjoy. Our bedtime now works like this:

5:30 - The build-up to the wind-down. This is where we change the diaper and spend some time on mommy or daddy's lap, watching a movie and exercising the legs.

7:00 - The wind-down. Here, we eat, change the diaper again, swaddle up and spend some time snuggling.

8:00 - Sleepy time. We are very sleepy now, as can be seen in the droopiness of the eyes. We do not, however, always want to go down. So here is where mommy lets baby nurse until baby is relaxed, and then puts her in her crib. Usually, there is around 5-15 minutes of fussing before she zonks out. I go and check on her, let her see my face and hear my voice, and then let her work it out again every ten minutes, for up to 20 minutes at a time. She then sleeps like a baby until around 4 am, when she gets a diaper change and a feeding, and then again until around 10.

NOT A SINGLE PART OF THAT IS EVIDENCE THAT I AM A BAD MOTHER.

In fact, putting her down and letting her cry is incredibly hard for me, and I do it BECAUSE I love her. Holding her for eight hours of frustrated sobs isn't good for her or for me, and it's incredibly selfish to put both of us through that just so I don't have to feel needlessly guilty!

Ladies, please, if you are feeling frustrated or overtired, or if your little one is frustrated or overtired, it IS okay to let them fuss for ten minutes. It will not scar them. It will not leave them feeling disconnected from you emotionally. It WILL help prevent things from escalating out of your control.

Know your limits, do what's best for your baby AND for you. Those two ideas? Yeah, not mutually exclusive.

My husband and God, united in procrastination.

In the beginning, there was light.

But before the seven days of intense labor that created the masterpiece that is the Universe, before God finally got up and spoke those four words that set the whole of creation into motion, I imagine that there were billions of years of what my husband calls, "The Planning Stage." And if God's Planning Stage was anything like my husband's Planning Stage, is consisted of one part actual planning, one part pondering more planning, and three parts reading Wikipedia articles until 6 am. I imagine that if God also had a wife, she would have been equally as irritated, saying things like, "God, for the love of all that is Holy, just buy the wood already!"

Yeah, my husband still has yet to start on the crib he insists on building himself. I'm due in less than eight weeks. I'm about to kick some procrastinating behind.

Why are so many people with money, broke?

I found an article that was written in light of a recent blog posted by an incredibly wealthy man who was complaining about being broke. I thought it would be helpful to those of you with lots of money, but no common sense.

"Adjust your expectations. "I can show you a client of mine right now who lives in a suburb of Chicago, he's a doctor, makes $350,000 a year, and he routinely racks up $25,000 on his credit cards," says Michael Kalscheur, a financial planner at Castle Wealth Advisors in Indianapolis. The reason? Too many people have "unrealistic expectations," says Mr. Kalscheur. They figure they should be vacationing in Italy, driving expensive cars, the whole deal. "We need to knock him upside the head. He's got to stop spending money." Every financial planner will tell you the same thing: The real challenge is tackling the psychology.

Refinance your mortgage. I have no idea how big and expensive your home is, but you can now get a 30 year jumbo mortgage at around 5.3%. Even on a $1 million loan that comes to $5,500 a month, and it's tax deductible. If your home is so expensive that you can't even afford it at these rates, you can't afford it. Sell it and move somewhere more affordable. If you're underwater on the mortgage, talk to the bank. Forget about "equity," which may not exist, and look at the cashflow.

Get a grip on your discretionary spending. Carry a pocket notebook with you for a month, and write down everything you spend. Get your wife and children to do the same. It will help you understand where your money is going. Almost every financial planner will tell you that this is invariably a huge eye-opener. As Jonathan Sard, a financial advisor in Atlanta, says, you may find you spend $100 in Target every time you go in for lightbulbs, or spend $300 taking your kids to a White Sox game. With everyone it's different, but you need to know where the losses are. If writing everything down is too much of a challenge: Junk the plastic, and just carry cash. This is instant budgeting. If you carry $500 a month, that's all you can spend.

Think about relocating. No kidding. It's not about how much you earn, it's about how much you get to keep, and if you are paying too much to live in an expensive town like Chicago, you may be much better off earning less somewhere cheaper. You and your wife both have highly portable jobs. According to the ACCRA Cost of Living Index, someone earning $350,000 in Chicago could get the same standard of living on just $230,000 a year in, say, Austin, Texas or Cincinnati.

Reconsider the investments. You say you're putting money into the stock market each month, even though you are paying off huge student loans. You need to do the math. If your investments are through a 401(k), they make sense: They're saving you taxes, maybe taking advantage of a company match. But if they are in addition to your 401(k) plan, they may not make sense right now. You are probably better off using the money to pay down that debt.

Rethink the two cars. Are you leasing them? How much are they costing you a month? This is one of the biggest ways middle class families blow their cash. I can't believe the number of people who think these moving white elephants are a status symbol. When I see an expensive car go by, all it tells me is that the owner is (a) insecure and (b) has no sense. These days you can get a decent set of wheels for a lot less than $10,000. Buy used. Pay cash. Run it till it dies.

Rethink the schools. You're sending your children to private school. But how much is it costing you? I take your point about terrible local public schools, but can you move to a neighborhood with better public schools? Or downscale to less-expensive schools?

Talk to a tax accountant. You say you're using TurboTax. With your income, you might benefit from some professional assistance. Are there deductions you can take that you're not using? Are you subject to Alternative Minimum Tax? Should you make your fourth quarter state and federal tax payments before Dec. 31? You may be able to help your financial position.

Go after all the little costs. You're hemorrhaging money. Get the kids to mow the lawn or do it yourself. Bake your own bread. Cook your own meals. Buy generic brands and bulk brands. Go to Costco, Sam's Club and other discount clubs. Junk the landline. Junk cable for Netflix. Rethink your banking: You're probably bleeding money through needless "fees" every month. Forget the "conspicuous consumption." Go for the conspicuous unconsumption. Brag about how little you spend. Find new ways to avoid spending money."


Really, these things should be common sense. But SO many Americans are so spoiled they don't seem to understand that the fact that you WANT it now does not necessarily mean that you should buy it now. I know people who like to do things like buy a new house before the old one is sold, or purchase a new car with a crappy loan because the old one is too cramped in the backseat. Really, someone explain to me why ANYONE who is living responsibly within their means even needs a credit card IN ADDITION to their existing loans?

There are people all over this planet who are struggling just to eat every day; why is it that so many of us define our "needs" based on comfort and vanity? Really, is there a reason to buy the new model when the same car used is $5,000 cheaper? Is your brain going to explode if you don't have the navigational system put in? How many phone numbers does one person need, again? And here's the one I really don't understand: if THIS rice is $0.13 per ounce, and THIS rice is $0.75 per ounce but has a more colorful package, why in God's name would you pay extra for the part that you will not keep?! The thing is, you're only paying for the packaging.

Let me break this down for you.

The cheapest way to print packages and labels for foods and beverages is to use three colors of ink or less. Any more than that, the manufacturer is doubling their costs, and they're certainly not taking that bullet for you. This is why the most extravagantly packaged items come with an extravagant price tag. Did you know that buying generic brand food (which is the SAME STUFF, people!) can save you up to 50% on your grocery bill? The same thing goes for medications. Identical ingredients, simpler packaging. Sometimes, the simpler stuff is even BETTER FOR YOU.

Simple things like TURNING THINGS OFF AT NIGHT can save big money too. Did you know that letting your computer idle instead of turning it off can cost you up to $500 per year if you never shut it off?

Really, it isn't harder to save money these days, it's just that people expect more. It's not just the basic food, clothes, transportation and housing; people think they NEED pretty brand names, designer labels, brand new cars and three extra bedrooms. I'm not judging those who choose to live beyond their means. I'm just saying that I'm tired of hearing them talk about how broke they are.

A departure.

As a pregnant woman who thoroughly enjoys expressing my opinions loudly and with an audience, I went and signed myself up for a pregnancy and parenting website containing message boards For those of you who don't know, message boards are basically thousands of tiny toilets into which we, the users of the interweb, like to flush our many thoughts and opinions in hopes that someone will actually care enough to respond. The conversations on these boards usually revolve around about ten topics:

1. Complaints about our husbands/significant others.
2. Complaints about our in-laws.
3. Complaints about our families of origin.
4. Complaints about our doctors.
5. Complaints about our bodies.
6. Complaints about pregnant sex or the lack thereof.
7. Complaints about our financial situations.
8. Questions we are afraid to ask our doctors, because we're certain they're snickering at us the second we walk out of the door.
9. Celebratory posts, exclaiming our joy over the penis or lack of penis that we have discovered inhabiting our tiny humans' bodies.
10. "What should I name my baby?" polls, which the poster will obviously ignore when naming said infant.

These are all topics that I have no problem with. Even the laundry list of complaints about every damn thing under the sun is more than OK by me, because frankly, hearing about how much the lives of others suck makes me feel a heck of a lot better about my own!

There is only one post topic that has recently grabbed my goat by its tiny little horns and is refusing to let go: debate topics.

This may seem out of character to those of you who know me, because there is nothing I love more than a good public forum debate. But I ask you this: when did being politically correct become the most important thing in the entire world? When did we begin wrapping our brains in bubble wrap to the extent that scientifically accurate words suddenly become unacceptable to use, in case someone is offended? And when did we begin sheltering ourselves to the extent that reality virtually ceases to exist in public?


So here's what I'm going to do, ladies and gentlemen. I am going to largely remove my abrasive little mind from an excessively moderated arena, and leave it here. This will be a blog that only wearers of the most firmly-attached big girl panties will enjoy. We'll discuss ALL of the topics that have been shut down by silly moderators, and we will only delete comments containing terrible spelling. We will behave like exactly the opinionated, elitist jerks that we are, and we are SO not apologizing.


With love,
Mama Bee