Allow me to direct your attention to the words of this shining star of brilliance:
"I totally agree with christen1063, "anonymous mom" who lets her baby cry for 10 minutes totally needs to rethink her priorities immediately and quite possibly talk with someone about her emotional disconnect shes beginning to create with her baby. A baby is not just a feeding and diaper change, that's a new person that needs love, affection AND attention - in other words nurturing. As the mother of 4, ages 16, 12, 7, and 2 months I can tell you that each child is different and has different needs and that there is an one size fit all solution for handling your children. The most important thing to remember is that your baby in NEW to this world and every moment is a new experience and that if you choose to make these experiences as positive, soothing, comforting and or pleasurable as possible regardless of the inconvience to you it will make the next stages of their life easier to manage"
First of all, wow. Is anybody else shocked that this woman has survived four children?
Now to debate her ridiculous point. My daughter is two-and-a-half months old, and I put her down and let her fuss it out when she is overtired, from time to time. I did not do that for the first two months. Here is an overview of my trying-to-prevent-emotional-disconnect experience:
Hour one of overtired screaming - Frustrated nursing. This consists mainly of about 20 minutes of actual eating, followed by 40 hellish minutes of latching on and off, punctuated by frequent burping, rocking, swaying, etc.
Hour two of overtired screaming - The maybe-she's-not-getting-enough phase. This part involves a bottle of formula (so freaking sue me) which she seems to enjoy sipping and then spitting out all over me.
Hours three and four of overtired screaming - I'll-try-anything-at-this-point-show-me-who-to-kill. This part is fun, and is made up of attempting to play with her soft piggy stuffed animal, swaddling and reswaddling, reswaddling with a different blanket, changing the diaper again, pacing the floor of the house, laying down and letting her stand on my belly, letting her suck/chew/drool on my finger/arm/face, three kinds of pacifiers, a bottle of decaf chamomile tea, some time in the swing, white noise, and last but not least, fervent prayer.
Hour five of overtired screaming - Bonding over tears. This is the part where we BOTH cry.
Hour six of overtired screaming - The second wind. We're now ready to eat again, so there's about 20 minutes of peace. Until she pees, and then it starts again.
Hour seven of overtired screaming - Boobcifier. This is the part where she wants to use my boob as a pacifier. She will ALMOST go to sleep if I let her keep my nipple in her mouth and don't move a muscle. But if I shift, it's on.
Hour eight of overtired screaming - Surrender. It is now around 6 am, and I have given up. I pass her off to my husband and fall asleep on impact with the mattress, and Zoey falls asleep fifteen minutes after impact with daddy's arms. Apparently, we wound each other up. Imagine that.
Nowadays, things are different. I am more rested, she is much happier and in a routine, and we both smile happily through our hours and hours of bonding time that I am NOT, for the record, too "emotionally disconnected" to enjoy. Our bedtime now works like this:
5:30 - The build-up to the wind-down. This is where we change the diaper and spend some time on mommy or daddy's lap, watching a movie and exercising the legs.
7:00 - The wind-down. Here, we eat, change the diaper again, swaddle up and spend some time snuggling.
8:00 - Sleepy time. We are very sleepy now, as can be seen in the droopiness of the eyes. We do not, however, always want to go down. So here is where mommy lets baby nurse until baby is relaxed, and then puts her in her crib. Usually, there is around 5-15 minutes of fussing before she zonks out. I go and check on her, let her see my face and hear my voice, and then let her work it out again every ten minutes, for up to 20 minutes at a time. She then sleeps like a baby until around 4 am, when she gets a diaper change and a feeding, and then again until around 10.
NOT A SINGLE PART OF THAT IS EVIDENCE THAT I AM A BAD MOTHER.
In fact, putting her down and letting her cry is incredibly hard for me, and I do it BECAUSE I love her. Holding her for eight hours of frustrated sobs isn't good for her or for me, and it's incredibly selfish to put both of us through that just so I don't have to feel needlessly guilty!
Ladies, please, if you are feeling frustrated or overtired, or if your little one is frustrated or overtired, it IS okay to let them fuss for ten minutes. It will not scar them. It will not leave them feeling disconnected from you emotionally. It WILL help prevent things from escalating out of your control.
Know your limits, do what's best for your baby AND for you. Those two ideas? Yeah, not mutually exclusive.
